Make sure you have plenty of time without interruptions – this is not an off the cuff discussion
Know your people – if you don’t know what is normal you won’t know what is unusual
Make it a private meeting – it needs to be away from others
Focus on the facts – what is it that has caused concern? What behaviour are you looking at? What is your evidence? Give examples so you need to be quite concrete in what you are saying. Just saying I feel there’s something wrong isn’t going to wash.
- When, what was the context
- What was different
- How did the person behave that was out of character
- What about that caused you concern
Empathic Responses
Framing a response empathically using Interest-Based Relational (IBR):
Take an empathic approach
- Tentative statement It seems to me… I had a sense that… I feel … I’d like your help to understand something…
- Define the changes in behaviour you have witnessed You have been distracted lately…
- Frame the situational context In the meeting earlier today you appeared withdrawn and seemed to spend a lot of time looking at your phone…
- Indicate you have noticed this is a change in behaviour This is unlike you
- Show a willingness to support the individual I would like to know how I can help
- Ask an open question to find out what the problem is Help me to understand, what is it that is troubling you? Be quiet. Allow the person to open up; this may take time; allow the other person to fill the silence. Listen actively, do not listen to respond – listen to hear what is being said. Most importantly, your response must be genuine and sincere.
- Tentative statement (It seems to me)
- If you have noticed changes in behaviour, define the changes e.g. you have appeared distracted lately
- Frame the situational context e.g. in the meeting today you spent a lot of time looking at your phone
- Indicate you have noticed this is a change in behaviour e.g. this is unlike you
- Show a willingness to support the individual e.g. I would like to understand how I can help
- Ask an open question to find out what the problem is e.g. what is it that is troubling you?
- Be quiet. Allow the person to open up; this may take time; allow the other person to fill the silence.
- Listen actively, do not listen to respond – listen to hear what is being said.
- Most importantly, your response must be authentic and appropriate to your role.
Make sure you are aware of any support systems in place at work that the employee can use. By taking the time to talk to your team regularly and making yourself available you will ensure that people know they can talk to you when they have problems and let you know if there are issues they may need some support or understanding with.
Don’t ask why they feel that way or why they made certain decisions it sounds judgemental
Don’t make promises
Don’t say mental health, remember the stigma – you don’t know what someone else’s experience is
If they are dismissive or defensive – “I’m fine” then ask again, maybe in a different way
Are you sure? I’m concerned because this really isn’t like you, and I am here to listen
Use your specific examples of what is causing the concern to help steer the conversation
Be clear that you want to support them, you want to understand so that you can be a supportive co-worker or colleague
This is about helping to build trust, show you are there for them.
If they still refuse to engage be clear your door is always open, you feel there is something going on that is not being shared and that you want to help.
Point them in the direction of additional support available
Remember to listen to what is said in a non-judgemental way – practice not having a leaky face
Just talking to someone may help to bring a different slant on what is going on
Recognise it’s probably not your problem to resolve, so don’t try to fix it.
Listen, empathise and sign post – don’t try to fix, it’s not your responsibility
