Nature or Nurture, many men find it extremely hard to open up and share their feelings and emotions. There is still a lot of stigma surrounding mental illness. Men are especially hesitant to share the slightest chink of emotion for fear of showing signs of weakness or the hint of mental instability. This is especially prevalent within men who hold positions of power, leadership and management.
It does not mean that men don’t experience these feelings and emotions; in FACT, they are withholding more emotions and feelings than could be listed here. However, they are experienced and smart, and over time they have learnt how to disguise and hide their true feelings even from those closest to them.
Have you heard a colleague, friend or partner say, “I’m stressed, or I’m tired”? When they feel scared or depressed. Men talk about stress, pressure, but not about being scared, worried, lonely, afraid, upset or hurt. You rarely hear a man say, “I’m scared”.
FACT: Men don’t
share their struggles because they are afraid of
LOSING THEIR POWER.
Speaking the truth when it comes to feelings is not the traditional norm for men. Men are brought up to be strong and without flaws. They’ve been conditioned not to talk about their feelings and emotions and keep a ‘stiff upper lip’.
However, the FACT is that these ‘silent struggles’ are becoming an epidemic amongst men:
Suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50. Men are three times more likely to take their own lives than women, with the highest prevalence being for men aged 40 to 44.
Source: The Zero Suicide Alliance
FACT: men need just as much support as women do. We are human beings, with the same emotional needs and the same desire to make a connection and communication.
One of the most significant issues is that men don’t build an emotional support network. Women have friends to listen, share and laugh about their problems. Men do not.
We’re not suggesting it’s easier for women, merely that it helps to have a network of friends or family you can turn to when things are tough. Someone you trust that you can confide in.
Showing the Signs of Struggle
Whether we are good at hiding our emotions
or not, the struggle is real.
FACT: Severe depression can be debilitating and all-consuming. It can lead
to anti-social behaviour and suicide.
Without treatment, the feelings and emotions we are hiding can only be suppressed for so long before they begin to seep out and become apparent in our behaviour. While you may not be crying at your desk, the signs of hopelessness and depression can be overwhelming.
There are two main ways in which men show their emotional struggles though physical form:
- Outward unsociable behaviours such as anger, fighting, shouting, frustration.
When our feelings of anxiety and fear are suppressed, we cannot hold them in forever. If we are unwilling to face our fears, they can often be expressed in our behaviour such as anger. We begin to blame others for the way we are feeling and lash out.
Men are particularly susceptible to this form of behaviour, and as such, their true feelings are once again masked. People assume you are an ‘angry man’ who goes through life grumpy and aggressive.
Left untreated, anger develops into something more unsociable and can escalate into fighting and aggression, which has more severe consequences. The problem herein lies that we begin to treat the symptom and not the cause. The cycle continues.
- Physical symptoms such as illness, overweight, change of appearance
If blaming others for the way you are feeling isn’t your default setting, then you may begin to blame yourself.
Men often ignore their feelings and focus on their physical symptoms such as headache, insomnia, stomach issues, heartburn or sexual issues. However, these can lead to further feelings of anxiety as men convince themselves they have a serious illness – cancer, an ulcer, brain tumour and the like.
While this may exacerbate the feelings of anxiety, focusing on physical symptoms, often turns to physical solutions. Vices such as drinking, drugs, overeating and smoking can soon become addictions. Again, the cycle continues.
What Can We Do?
FACT: There is help available.The first step is to ask for it.
Whether YOU are feeling stressed out, down or worried OR if you are concerned about a friend, colleague or family member, then seek help.
FACT: Getting help early on can prevent you from developing more severe mental health issues. It can prevent vices from becoming addictions, and it can help you to live a happier, more satisfying life.
Be mindful of the signs of poor mental health. While outwardly a person’s behaviour may appear unsociable, rude or unacceptable, it may be because there is a deeper underlying cause. If we learn to recognise the early warning signs of poor mental health, we can help, we can listen, and we can make a difference.
FACT: We CAN STOP the cycle.
Email info@yourpeoplepotential.co.uk or call us today to find out how we can train your people to recognise the signs of poor mental health and give them the confidence and compassion to help a colleague or friend.
Watch our latest video and give us a call on 01954 267640 to ask about our Mental Health First Aid workshops.
