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I’ve never met someone who looked forward to delivering bad news, and giving constructive feedback can often feel like that. We might worry about how the other person will react, if they will be angry or upset and how we’ll deal with it. Sometimes it’s so much easier to avoid the conversation and hope the issue will sort itself out.
Unfortunately, they don’t sort themselves out. All big performance issues start out small and could have been dealt with much earlier. By putting off the feedback conversation we allow it to become a bigger problem and an ongoing source of stress in the team. As an HR manager, you usually know which leaders in your organisation are putting off those conversations because HR has to be brought in once it’s become a bigger problem.
It’s part of a manager’s role to give feedback regularly, because it’s essential for developing their people. But how can we expect managers to take on a challenging and intimidating task without support and training on how to do it?
Here’s how I would approach a feedback conversation – feel free to share this with any colleagues you think will find it useful.
1. Gather Evidence
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I can’t start a feedback conversation based on gut instinct, so before having a feedback conversation I need have to have the facts about the situation. That doesn’t mean there has to be reams of information and for a small issue this shouldn’t be too difficult. Ask yourself things like:
- How do you know when the task in question is done well?
- What is my evidence for the things that didn’t go so well?
2. Separate the Problem from the Person
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If you’re giving negative feedback, this can be difficult for the other person to hear. They need to be able to think about the actions or behaviours they need to change, rather than feeling they are a bad person for ‘getting it wrong’. The evidence is really handy here as it allows you to use a factual approach.
3. Ask Open Questions
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I always show the other person I want to understand more of their perspective by asking open questions.
4. When they Answer, Really Listen
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When they’re talking, I’m not just thinking about the next point I want to make. I really listen, because I want to understand what’s going on from their perspective and how we can work together to turn it around.
5. Use Silence
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I don’t jump in to tell them what they should do instead or to tell them what I want from them, because I want for us to work together to figure this out. If the other person goes quiet, do give them a few moments as they may be thinking. If they still don’t have anything to say, I may ask a question like “What do you think you need from me to help with this?” or “what do you think is the most important issue here?”
7. Don’t Wrap Negatives Inside Positives
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The feedback sandwich (you probably know it by another, less pleasant name!) usually confuses things. If you’ve got negative feedback to give, get straight to it and don’t give mixed messages.
8. Ask What Support is Needed
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In order for the other person to meet the expectations, they will probably need some help and support. Be sure to ask what support they need in order to stick to the agreement and dig a little bit if you have to.
9. Self-Regulate and Manage your Own Feelings
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The other person may react in ways we find difficult. They may get upset or even angry. As a manager, you need to be aware of your own feelings and avoid any knee-jerk reactions.
10. Agree a Timescale for Improvements
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Once you’ve agreed what’s expected and the course of action you will take together to create those improvements, you also need to agree the timeline. I always set a time for a follow up conversation and make sure the other person knows I’m available for a chat before then, if they need it.
If we want to really support our managers, we need to be realistic about this. Giving feedback is like any skill and even with the tips above, even the most committed manager will need time to practice and improve their feedback skills. If your people need some support with making feedback discussions more productive, we go into detail with discussion and practical exercises as part of our 12 month ‘Realising Your Leadership Potential’ programme. We also run courses that target specific skills, like giving feedback and having courageous conversations.
If you’d like to have a chat about how we can work together to make feedback less stressful and more productive for your people (managers and their teams alike) give me a call on 07880 776756 or email jacqui@yourpeoplepotential.co.uk.
